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Douchebag Genie

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Okay, so here's the idea.  You wish for something, then the person under you plays the role of a "douchebag genie"; technically granting the exact wording of your wish but twisting those words out of context to turn it into something crappy.


For example, if I wished for 1,000,000 dollars, you would grant that wish by dropping 100,000,000 pennies on my head, thereby killing me.


You get the idea?


After you've granted the wish of the person above you in the worst way possible, make a wish of your own at the bottom of the same post.


I'll start.


I wish that Steve Jobs had never died and was still making innovative new Apple products



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Granted, but in order to innovate, he changes the UI of the iPhone every release.


I wish the government shutdown would end and that all the federal employees could get paid.



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Granted, but a slice would keep re-spawning where the second slice of pizza was placed. (If you placed it on a plate, wherever the plate is that is where the slices will spawn on top one another non-stop fresh as when you first got the pizza!)


I wish I could remember where I placed my keys/phone when I can’t find them!



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granted, but as soon as you find your keys, you forget where you parked your car.  And as soon as you find your phone, you discover all your contacts have been wiped.  Have fun.


I heard that Will Smith was originally going to play Neo in the Matrix, but he turned down the role.  


I wish that Will Smith hadn't turned down that role and played Neo in the movie.  It could have been freaking awesome.





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  • 1 month later...
Guest Deleted member 108

Granted,  but it contains every ingredient you really dislike and nothing else.


I wish I had horns again.



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Granted, you get sent back in time 200 years, long before the internet existed, so you're forced to either talk to people face to face, or starve.  2 years later, you've practiced the skill enough to be decent at talking to people.  But now you're perpetually bored.


I wish I could physically shape-shift back and forth between my coyote and human self.  But I flip back and forth between completely physically a coyote and completely physically human in a very binary way (there's no weird halfway states).  Also, I'm careful to only shape-shift when I know no-one will see it (that includes cameras too).


EDIT:  I just realized that wild coyotes don't wear clothes.  Crap.  Okay, so I'll have a little steel box hidden in the woods that I can store my clothes, phone, wallet, etc. in.  I'll secure that box with a combination lock that I'll just remember the code for (I'll make sure not to forget the code).



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Granted, but you have reverse-stength. Essentially, you can physically lift anything you're not supposed to. However, anything you'd normally be able to lift is unliftable. 


I wish I could undo the burning of the Library of Alexandria. ( Look it up if you don't know already, it still angers me and I wasn't even alive for it }:/ )



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Granted. Humanity uses the knowledge within the library to gain vast amounts of new power, propelling us into a new era of technology. The human race then abuses said technology, causing massive ecological devastation and resulting in the eventual eradication of our (and many other) species.


I wish I never had a headache again in my life. 



✧・゚: *✧・゚:* "𝓞𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓽, 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼..." *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

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