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Trying to find out what am i, new to the community


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Hello, I am Norl'stikáh or Stikáh for short.

I know that maybe nobody will see this post, but I just want to write about my life experience and how I ended up coming here as it feels really important to me. Sorry about any typos of grammar mistakes english isn't my first language and I'm unfortunately dyslexic.

I always had weird phantom limb experiences and as I'm writing right now I can feel my ears down as well as my tail wagging because I feel embarrassed about opening up.

 

I've always felt out of place but I've never admitted to myself that could be an otherkin. I'll be honest I don't know when this started exactly, as I don't remember much of my childhood because of traumas but I know I was not human since a very young age. I always knew I was a furry tho, though I've been one for 10+ years and I still am one but I never considered that I could've been more than just a furry. I had the cliche experience of hating being human, and I still do honestly. But I was thinking maybe it's just a coping mechanism I did.

 

I was in denial forever, as you all know cringe culture was at its peak back in 2016-2018 and I never wanted to be associated with this community. While watching "cringe comp" videos I felt connected to these people who spoke about their experiences of shifting. I myself always had dreams of me being a feral creature dashing into the woods, climbing everything such as trees that reached the sky. I was often a sort of bird or a wyvern, if not a leopard or even but rarely a werewolf. I sometimes even dreamed of being a na'vi, but all of these species weren't my true self but just things I connected with as I found my true species later on in my life.

To this day those are still my favorite types of dreams to experience as I feel like myself, I feel completely free, and powerful, it's honestly indiscerptible. My mind is not stressed by human problems such as money, house, future, and job, you know what kind of stuff...

 

I happily grew out of that stupid "edgy humor and cringe" phase at 15, and all I thought about otherkins and therians is that they're living their life to the fullest, having fun and harming nobody so why should I care. So I forgot this community existed for a while. Till a week ago, I was in a discord call with my irls who wanted to watch some funny videos, one suggested looking at "wolf people furries" by that she meant looking at therrians videos. And I started stressing inside because I knew I understood what these people felt. We went on youtube and I asked them to pick one that isn't a mocking video and more a documentary. And we ended up watching the one made by iWonder, surprisingly they didn't laugh much, and just said that Naia is a sweet girl even if they didn't understand her fully. They even took her defense and said that people who harassed her should get a life because she's just doing what she likes, hearing that made me happy I felt more confident about becoming an otherkin.

 

In the video, Naia spoke about Kinmunity and after this day this website stood in my head and only yesterday have I had the courage to make an account. But it's a big part of my identity that ill never share with my friends. I already feel ashamed of being a furry around them even if they don't care about that. I am not the biggest fan of having to have a sort of double life, but at the same time, I don't want my irls, online friends, and people who follow my social media to find this out as I'm not comfortable with this being public.

 

About my species

 

As previously said, I identified with multiple species but I never knew what I truly was. It might be really weird but, I've started writing speculative zoology seriously (about 2 years ago) and investing a lot of time in effort into the worldbuilding of the sentient species, and some time after that I started feeling deeply connected to them. Even dreaming to be one of them, and during those dreams, I feel even more like my true self. I feel completely euphoric, it even made me have gender euphoria. And my phantom limbs matched what my species had, it feels so strange but also right at the same time?

 

It's only recently that I realized how much I feel like they're the perfect thing I want to be. They're deeply connected to nature and care about it, they just live a simple life of creating art and their culture is based on living life fully and taking care of one another. Their technology isn't that advanced but they have a comfortable way of living, they don't have issues with money or all of that kind of stuff they're just simple... and I just wish to live something like this I feel so connected to them I even have weird experiences of shifting my mindset sometimes? I think I'm just delusional sometimes, or maybe schizophrenic since my mother is I have a higher chance of becoming too.

I even get species dysmorphia sometimes.

 

They made up a goddess that takes inspiration from the Venus of Willendorf and it's a thing that incarnates nature and I now find myself praising her sometimes while knowing it's weird to do that. It honestly feels insane to speak about this, I even made a clay figure representing her. Originally made to do a hypothetical look of how some stuff would look like in my worldbuilding. But now I've even got some crystals that remind me of her. I dream of being on this planet I completely made up, as much as I know this is weird it feels right to me, whenever I dream of being there I feel in my right place.

I've even created a language for the worldbuilding and now i start rambling in it randomly, sometimes saying some payers in that language or even swearing in it. I am aware of how odd this is to be an otherkin of something I created myself but it's truly how I feel. I sometimes wish to reincarnate as one of the members of my species even if I know it won't happen I like to believe in it as it makes me feel more at peace with myself.

 

I will not share the language, show pictures, or describe it more in-depth as I fear of being traced back to my social media.

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To be honest, I don't find your experiences strange at all! You could either identify as your own creation... Or perhaps your creation came from your subconscious identity? You state you feel very comfortable with the idea of the characters and the world so perhaps you may been writing simply from the heart, and is why you see yourself in it so deeply. Either way, it's a completely valid identity and I hope it brings you joy!

 

I also have these Otherkin dreams.. of being free, without the worries of this human world, and I am truly my happiest there so I can imagine how it feels for you too!

 

So for this thread, did you want advice on alternative beings you might be? I personally think it to be a rather difficult process as it's not just the phantom shifts and the dreams but the raw feelings and energy of an individual that we cannot see, and that you cannot convey to us. I feel that if you match this species of your own, than that's great! Unless you perhaps have some doubts we could help you with?

 

You are very welcome here no matter your source!

[ATTACH type=full]6940[/ATTACH]

Ghost-Dragonkin | Snakehearted

I am immortal until proven otherwise.

I use tone tags!

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